A Public Service Announcement

So… if you don’t know me very well you may not know that I have a history of passing out.  Not from any real, medical-type reason.  Not even for any good reason.  I don’t pass out when I see massive amounts of blood and gore, I pass out when I hear people talking about blood and gore, not even in massive amounts.  Or I pass out over extraordinarily small injuries.  Equally ridiculous. 

This little quirk began when I was in fifth grade.  I considered myself a bit of a tomboy, and when my teacher announced we would be dissecting a cow eye in class I was unbelievably excited.  Real life, non-censored blood and guts.  Rock awesome.

The day came and my fellow classmates and I crowded around a table to watch the proceedings.  A few friends and I sat up on desks for a better look.  About thirty seconds in to the ordeal a cut was made into the eye, some kind of juice squirted into the crowd, and I was a goner.  I have to say, it was extremely surprising. 

Most memorable is my friend April crying because she thought I’d died. 

Passing out in public for very odd reasons has given me, at least, a number of amusing anecdotes to share, such as that one time my future mother-in-law made me pass out the first time we met. 

What I wish to convey with this story, as well as with any future anecdotes I may share, is the importance of knowing your audience.  I am not alone in my ridiculous condition, and you need to be aware that we are out there being subjected to your nasty stories. 

When people hear someone tell one of these stories about passing out over nothing they naturally like to share a similar story in return.  As in, “That reminds me!  I saw the grossest thing ever yesterday – wait ‘til I tell you!”  Do not do this.  It is a colossal mistake.  Especially when you hear that person say things like,

“Please stop talking.  No really.  You’re making me woozy.  Oh, dear.  I think I need a glass of water.  I’m going down.”

Many a passing-out-over-nothinger has gone down this way.  Myself included.  

Protect your friends: Stop Sharing Gross Stories.

Thank you.