Suck It Up, Mom

We’ve been driving past a lot of Tutor-Times lately, it seems.  My children are enamored with these places.  The buildings are huge and friendly looking, and they have these awesome play areas outside that are always covered in happy children. 

Yesterday as we drove past one Sarah asked me what this Mecca-of-Happiness was.  I explained to her that in a lot of families the daddy and mommy both have to go to work every day, and when they’re both gone they leave their kids there so they can be safe. 

A place where you get to go play all day and not have your parents around to tell you what to do and get you in trouble?  Sarah loved the idea.  A lot. 

She’s been telling me ever since that I need to go and get a job.  More than just a couple times. 

I know that she doesn’t understand the message she’s sending with this – doesn’t see that what I hear her saying is: “we don’t care about everything you do all day and night for us – we’d rather be with strangers than you.”  I know that’s it’s normal for kids to say stuff like this, and that there isn’t a deeper meaning to it more than ‘hey, that looks like fun.’   But --- it still sucks. 

It grips all those feelings of guilt and inadequacy that all parents carry with them, yanks them through your chest so you have to take a good hard look at them, and then pours salt and lemon juice all over your gaping, dripping wounds. 

But, don't worry about it mom.  Just keep doing what you're doing, knowing that these feelings will never go away and that as your children grow they will only grow more eloquent in describing your many failings to you.  

Super.

Someday in, like, thirty years they'll gaze into the eyes of their own little hellions, look up at you, and realize a part of all the crap you put up with.  They might even apologize.  If you're lucky, they'll buy you chocolate.

Sarah - this is my notice to you in the future:

You owe me a whole lot of chocolate.  Like, I might get diabetes from all the chocolate you owe me.